*Monday, October 27, 2008*
~ yoz..`
Today is monday, the first monday of the school holidays and recently, i just realized that i am really mad about "iron chef" and “无敌珊宝妹”，which is a Taiwanese drama that is super nice, even though every body is getting mad over "hot shot".
First an update on my results. This is probably the best results that i have ever got, with 8A1's and 2A2's which rounds up the tally to 10A's. Especially for my english, which i got 74/100, which was the highest in the level. oh yeah. Moreover, my average was 80, which is not bad at all.
This is probably going to be the longest post i have ever made, as i go through my reflections on this year.
Well, the sec 2 year has officially ended, and i am waiting for my streaming results. It is nearly understood that i will get into the class of my choice, except that i am opting for a pretty special combi. Other than thriple science and elective history, i want to take pure geography. But the problem is, there is no such combination unless you apply for it. So, people keep telling me that there is practically no hope that i can make it in, but i want to try it, because, if i have never tried anything, how would i know that the option is not viable? Do miracles happen in this world; Does hoping against hope bring you anywhere? Have you ever felt the power of a belief? Have you ever felt the hope from a belief? I stick to my beliefs because i know that a belief can be powerful and changing my beliefs just because of manipulation is simply foolish.
I always question myself, what is left for me in this world? When my best friends set a dog on me, and watched me run without holding it back; when my best friends are the ones who hurt me most and when i go to school every day, watching the sun rise but my heart get colder. What is left for me when i watch everyone leave and i am stuck with a person whom is fickle and unable to understand what i am doing? I ask myself all this, and each answer i arrive at, i realise that i never really did have any friends at all. As me, yik xin ying, i have always searched for that person whom could understand me and understand that if there is one thing that i cannot tolerate, it is to taunt people and to hurt others. Am i in a position to say this? No, b'cause i have done it to others before. So, as all the competitiveness in my class continues, and nobody is willing to give up, i become lonelier and lonelier, and soon, my friends leave me once again.
Well, it is basically because i am unable to give them what they need, and it has always been so since primary school, the guy that i liked actually said that he liked me, but the next day, he said that that was just a joke; my soccer kakis set a golden retriver on me and they pushed the blame to me when some one nearly hit the principal with a ball. Why did this happen, i ask myself. Am i a loser? No, i reiterate, i am probably the best person in that group, in my class, in my school! Why? Simply because i think and never let anyone, regardless of jealousy, manipulation and impetuous behaviour change my perceptions and my beliefs. Sometimes, i slip into depression, being a maverick, and go beserk with my beliefs, but controlling them and being able to see the black and white of things has helped me become a person with a story.
My friends see me as a pushover, but i am the strongest one amongst them, cause they are unable to withstand a blow. I have lived my life to the fullest, experiencing betrayal, sorrow, fear, exuberance, confusion, delusion, anger, bullying, insulting, manipulation and most of all discrimination. That is why i can see deeper than a lot of people, and i face the fact that this is is way that i like to live my life, because, i rather hurt myself than hurt others and so say what you like, that i am a bootlicker, act innocent and whatever you like, because i know that for every finger you point a me, four are pointing back at you.
So, live with no regrets and rock on.
Now, let us move on to something more interesting, a new song!This is by far my favourite song."Tattoo", by jordin sparks!
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger,
I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
This a great song because it truly reflects the state of mind of many people and it includes mine. It truly speaks of courage and therefore, i view this song as another good song. it simply makes you feel better after listening to it and so, i thought that it would be good to post it. besides being profound, i found it really inspiring, and people who listen to it will be keen to reflect on what exactly went on in their lives and try to find answers for it. it is truly nourishment to the soul and therefore, i really find it a good song to hear.
Still missing you at... 10/27/2008 05:20:00 PM
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